Groundhog’s Day…#3025

7 10 2010

Today is a day as all the same. “Groundhog’s day”! No matter what I do, I can’t get away from the basic routine of living the same day everyday, just in diffrent underware. As ususal, I’ve been on the grind in this cyberworld, trying to find the finacial solution to the “average stay at home mom’s’ solution. And believe me, when I find it, I will share. The very volitile emotional rollacoster that I have bee on thee last few weeks, has really taken it’s toll. But I have finally, I hope, come to the conclusion, that my worrying will not change the current situation that we live in. All I can safely do, is do my part and pray that someone can appreciate the effort and meet me part of the way.
I’ve been thinking about what it is I wan to do when I grow up, and all I can say is, from a you child, all I’ve wanted to do is write! I love words,charaters, life stories,chick flicks! I want to be apart of the revolution! Maybe the one attributes of depression is being a tortured artists inside.
I watched J.K Rolling on Oprah the other day, the Harry Potter genius, and I have to say, I was a bit angry after that. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to really watch it because I was jealous. Not of her”success”, but of my failure. I might be in my late 20’s, but I feel like I am in my late 50’s, and I should’ve arrived already. What is it that holds me from excelling to that level of billionaire or even thousandaire status, just to take care of my family, and take the weight off of my diligent husband. I know, I know…., it’s me!

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Mommy Dearest

20 09 2010

  Ok I must admit that I am a bit of a Mommy Dearest when it comes to redecorating.  I love colors and it is always so had to choose .  My husband is a decorating fanatic as well so we are often fighting (secretly) over what goes where.  Right now the girls’ room is a mint with pink, lavander and lime green.  I haven’t yet changed the babies’ crib colors into the lavander crib bedding quit yet.  I’ve thought about possibly changing everything, or at least combining everything to a a black and mint, then I would need to hunt furiously for a black crib bedding, and I don’t exctly see black crib beeding just chillin in the isles, but very unique.  I have even, dare I say it, thought of a farm crib bedding, but I can’t exactly go all the way that crazy combination.

Over the weekend my siblings and our spouses had a mini get together and we saw old pictures of ourselves.  In thoses pictures was me when I could see my collar bone.  It was somewhat depressing but challenging for me to ever get back to that collar bone state.  I took a walk, a long walk yesterday in hopes of melting away that fat that crowds my collar bone, alone.  But today I’ll have company, my 1yr old and I’ll do that after I pick up my 4yr old from pre school, using my Graco stroller.  Not exactly the cadillac of strollers.  What I really need is a Graco duoglide double stroller for my whinny 4yr old to go in next to my 1yr old because she complains about the walk from the school to the house which is a block and a half.  When I come up with these carzy thoughts it invades my thinking to where it comes up to be an obsession.  Now that I’ve said it, I need to get one of those cadiallacs for walking, a Graco duo glide double stroller!  Have you ever seen a 4yr old in a stroller and want to give her mom or dad a piece of your mind by telling them that that kid is too big to be in a stroller?  Now I get it.  They probally have a whinny brat that it helps to get them a Graco (duogile double stroller) too.

  I’m on a mission and I won’t sleep until I find all the assesories for the girls room.  Should it be lavender crib bedding, black crib bedding or even the crazy farm crib bedding?lol!

I Should Be Thin!!

7 09 2010

So after I had my last baby, who is now over the threshold of 1yr now, left 60lbs extra on me when she desended, of which by the way I had lost all of that before she came to be and then I got pregnant.  Now losing the weight Agian isn’t a cake walk at all, not to mention I love cake by the way!  But this is no easy feet.  I would do weight watchers but that only works if you have a husband who eats like a bird, or you’re single, because he won’t decide that he’ll just make it convient for him to not scavange for his lunch and just take yours, eat up all your WW snacks while you’re trying to keep the foods that are within your points to remain replinished so that you don’t cheat!  It’s also too expensive when you have multiple children who eat like a football team, so it’s either everybody eats or they watch you eat.  I even would like to have one of those stories to tell to Marie Osmound about my incredible weight loss, but that is a huge upfront cost, especially with my anxiety.

I run around all day clean, burping babies, changing diapers, yelling at kids, organizing, running up and down stairs….and I weigh as much as I did the day I delivered my 1yr old minus the enormous stomach.  That’s depressing!  I often go arouund saying, to my husband, that “it’s not like I just sit around eating bon bons all day”, I don’t even know where to get those things or who makes those even.  I need to get me some so maybe there’ll be some corrilation of my weight to bon bon ratio.  I don’t have time to eat least eating bon bons.  I should be thin!

Today is the Beginning of the Rest of My Life!

25 08 2010

    Well I just had my morning right now I’m happy.  Patiently waiting on my happy pills that should arrive in the mail today.  If you would have told me that this would be my future idenity, I probaly would’ve slapped you!  “Stay at home Moms”…I use to envy them.  All they have to do is take care of kids and their hubbies, with that rock on their hand, driving the glorified mini van and live the good life.  Not that I ever looked down on them, but I thought it couldn’t be that hard.  Well, today it is a full time on top of full time job that NEVER is over.  When you leave work, you leave work.  But in this case your work is often in your face.  If you happen to have mental melt downs or sick days, the laundry is unforgiven.  All those tiny little onesies that have to be sorted, not to mention the regular up keep of the running of the household, like the dishes, meals, clean up after meals, baths.. of which I often try to put off as long as I can.  But, as i said after my coffe I’m feeling optimistic!

I have offically retired from the working world..thx to my hubby, but! of coarse there is a BUT!  Money is tight, bills are paid but no wiggle room, especially to accomidate my new love for “Littlest Pet Shop” hobby.  When you focus on your family the world is also unforgiving, someone suffers no matter what.  Not exactly going to fold thou.  I’m wayyyyyyyyy to curious and I actually love business, it’s just all the things I previouslly loved were killed out of me for neccesaity for survival.  Now I hate those things, so now I’m on a journey to find or make the job that is really not work at all.  Any ideas?  Today is the beginning of the rest of my life!

Didn’t This Day Already Happen….?

9 06 2010

OF COARSE IT DID…..I live in groundhog day!  This morning, as most mornings starts off with me wanting or planning to conquer the world…until my coffe wears off and I get hungry, then it’s over!  Not much NEW going on in my world, only that I am trying to shed the obesity pregnancy pounds that have I’ve been carrying on me for an almost extra year, which will be offical this time next month.

Today I watched GMA..which is my fav, and this woman who was the former editor of some Home and Garden magazine, says that her life was shattered when she lost her job…and it changed her life.  Really!  I want to hear about how she survived by the lost of income, did she almost face foreclosure, or car reprossesion, real stuff like that.  It might be in her book, but my guess is she had $$$$ and she was probaly just devastated by not having a job.  I would like to have some reasurrance that if I decided to leave my NOW job could I make it without going thru that hardship.  Let’s face it, she WAS the former editor of some magazine so she probaly had friends in high places.  I’m a generic author who writes but if you have no “high in the sky ” friends it’s hard to get an agent or even published, so of coarse she could actually get a book published and still pay her bills.  What do you think?

On another note…It’s been hard for me to consistantly be kind to myself.  Doing something for myself each day or week.  Like doing my hair, brushing my teeth, ironing my clothes…luxuries like that.  Is that why I feel like a turd?, because I never include me.  I don’t have time to loose weight, to take a long bath, to go to the bathroom for more than 5 mintues without the babies, the dog, my 4yr old’s questions.  No one told me when you became a mother all those things would go down the drain!  You think if you did hear of it from someone else or even saw a former foxy lady who became a mom and went down hill, you would say to yourself “how did she JUST let herself go?”.  When I look in the mirror I can see why.

Up Agianst My Will!

7 06 2010

  Well it’s mintues away from three ‘am as I begin this post.  Never did I predict to be up writing at this moment…since my early morning plans are ruined because I’m up now I guess it would be time to do this.  I’d planned to start a little bit of a exercise/me time regamine/taking care of mom thing for myself……maybe wake up about 6ish and take a bike ride on a trail, but all those dreams are shattered for this morning because I’m up with my 4yr old who is practically  screaming through the house about being scared of the dark.  She and her younger sister, my 11mo old, have just offically moved into their new room and it’s a bit strange to her I guess, especially how she was test driving the top bunk but it seemed to be more than she ..or even I can handle.  I had delayed about a week to actually put her sister’s crib into the new room, partially because she is noisey and the other, because I was being lazy.  As she screamed, two diffrent times, I kept telling her to calm down and PLEASE don’t wake up her sister…….She’s more than a bit of a drama queen and proceeded to sob, as her baby sister sat up in confusion on both attempts to put her back to sleep.  So I dragged the lighted coil rope thing , plugged it up, and put it under the bunk beds so that it wouldn’t be too overwhelming…you would think that was enough, but of coarse not!   She sobbed some more, I agian pleded with her about waking her sister, as she uttered “I’m scared, I want to watch tv”.  I then lost my cool…cause there goes my plans.  A dream deffered!  Knowing I need to lose a couple..two..three pounds because I’m feeling a bit old in the joints.

I gained 60lbs with this last pregnancy , and let me tell ya,it’s easy to gain than lose.  I nearly met my goal before I became pregnant, but those days seem far, far and away now because I have been trying multiple things since pretty much the day she was born…..and NOTHING!!!! Oh don’t mind me, I have a road map of delimas.  I know if I don’t get some sleep soon I will be a crabby patty in the other part of the morning!

It’s Thursday Agian!

3 06 2010

  What a week….I can say it only took one day at a time and a lot of deep breaths to finally get here, oh yeah let’s not forget we had a Monday which really helped.  I think this weekend I might check out completely, give my kids away and play hokey from reality….sounds like a party huh!  I’ll say the just I have to look foward to today is nap…which was already over by now, and my drama filled Real Housewives of New York, although I think New Jersey takes the cake because of that crazy Danielle who I once had sympathy for but since the light has been shed on her I’m having other thoughts.