The Real Houswives of……

26 05 2010

  Today I must admit is a real hard day to begin with.  Yet another groundhog day, of dishes, cooking, “no..ing” my kids and cleaning.  I’m a lot more hormonal than usuall because my period is on the horizion.  I can’t exactly cry yet because I’m expecting someone soon, and what a way to greet someone who comes to your home with red eyes and a flushed face.  There are days and even late nights where I plan to conquer mother hood and the day, but after my morning coffe wears off, what’s left, but jitters and snappy behavior.  I have found that caffiniated coffe makes me happy like alcohol makes others.  I’ve know for a while, set aside from my spiritual beliefs, that I could never be a “drinker” cause I don’t have the art of sipping at all.  If it’s good, I’ll drink that all and want more immediately so ……..I would defineately be in someone’s Betty Ford like clinic because of another problem that I can’t afford to have next to this postpartum thing.

Weeks ago they had this 20/20 special on moms who drink, and though we don’t have that in common, I am with them and their daily stresses and loneliness.  I watched my New Jersey Housewife show, a day late, and saw Theresa, a proud mama who seems carefree and a “supermom” nonetheless.  I was happy for her but devestated  for myself because I’m TIRED and what my little sister use to say when we were kids, “I can’t want to”.  I just want to be alone, to not hear the sound of my own voice repeating command after command, referreing every moment of the daylight because someone took something someone was playing with.  Countless times of my second to the youngest wanting me to look at everything she does.  If I had a endless bankroll like Theresa I’d be happy as she is with her kids to.  Of coarse money isn’t “happiness” but it could calm my nerves a bit.

I guess what bothers me is the thoughts of being a failure, because I didn’t get to that bucket of clothes, or sewing those curtains (although I don’t know how to sew), or the thought of thinking am I a failure because I stepped out of the working world to raise my children.  I don’t even bother “getting ready” anymore.  Ready for what?  The only place I go to is the park, Walmart, and…..church, that about it, and in about the same sequence to.  No room for suprises here.  I use to be a cometologist.  I use to be so conserned about my hair and what I looked like, but I have what one would call bed hair, and I have the same jean bottoms that I stained yesterday with sweet potatoe baby food, but who cares, when there is nothing to look foward to.  Back to Theresa.  While going to be checked into the hospital she was dolled up with a halter top on and hair done, something I aspire to be….consistant on the concern I use to have for myself. It really is sad though sometimes I make light of it.

I know my four year old sees the difference, as she can hear the quever in my voice that I use to keep from exploding.  “I can’t want to”allllllllllllllll the time!  I can honestly say, I don’t recognize this person that I call my own name!  This isn’t who I journeyed to be as a child playing with my Cabbage Patches.  A little like Martha with a tan.  Will I ever see that old friend who always had a smile on her face?

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Catching Up on What’s Current

25 05 2010

     Yesterday, over and over the entertainment news kept talking about that Ferguson women.  I can’t say I know her in dept like I do one of my favorite actresses but, who cares.  Maybe I wasn’t paying close attention to the meat of the story or maybe I did…what does it mean to sale access to a person?  Does that mean something close to murder?  I don’t know and really can care less.  Day in a day out they find a new way to drag another celebrity thru the mud.. I’ll admitt that maybe for a three day to a week  it’s interesting to hear about, but as they did Tiger………WHO CARES!  I don’t have to go home to Elin, that’s his deal.

When I look at the daily news, which happens to be something I enjoy that I didn’t get when my parents watched it, cause it didn’t seem very interesting at all.  I look at the priorities of this nation, my city, my state and wonder who cares about the common folk.  With Louisiana, Mississippi and Iowa having those floods and everything, people who don’t live their lives in ruin such as they do, daily, can sleep soundly because HIS/HER family is ok and safe.  What about the people with authority, this one specific town that has had massive disater with the flooding, has this monument downtown that was slightly damaged in that flood.  The marble may have made this monumet slightly damaged, at a close view, unpolished maybe.  This monument cost roughly $350,000 to repair, meanwhile there are still homeless people who lost everything in the flood, trailers, condemned homes and paying for a current place to live while paying for a home that they can’t greet each day.  Who  cares about if there is money alloted for such repairs, all that dumb red tape, there are people still 2 or more years later living the horror that happened years ago.  Where are “this great nations” priorities?!





Postpartum Dads? and Syndromes

20 05 2010

  I know it’s been about two days since the news touched on “postpartum dads”…..ok everyone has their own opinion about “the how” in this occuring in men.  I guess I don’t buy it totally because their hormones have done much of nothing in comparison to the women’s. I can relate as far as anxiety goes.  Of coarse sometimes the fear of the unknown gives someone anxiety and I think depression could come on the horizion if it really came down to it.  But today everything has a syndrome, like “sex addiction”…….. I don’t buy that for one minute nor do I see the possiblities.  I call it a cop out!

Sex addiction is called, problems at home that need to be resolved.  If a man isn’t getting any at home he could legitamately be starved for some nukey, and he, if pursued could fall for the hype of the panties of another, but not addiction.  It’s possible to keep his “Nukey Tank” so full that he will snub all others that come his way.  I’m not the one to nessecarily get in particular celebrities life, but a marriage is for a purpose, not just the ring and the dress, or expensive ceremony but for sex!  A life long intimate companion.  In a marriage sex is almost half of the pie graph as I’m realizing more and more as my marriage continues.   Yeah, yeah ..I know you’re thinking, it takes two to tango.  That whole situation is a mess and everybody is wrong and everybody is right…all I could say is what a mess!  Not a syndrome.





Ohhh Monday!

17 05 2010

  It is yet the beginning of another week, Monday that is.  It makes me feel a little like ” Groundhog Day” when you wake up and do the same exact thing day in and day out.  I took a moment over the weekend to think about why am I a little edgy when I get up on a week day morning, well it’s because since my 4yr old was  8mo I’ve been at home with her…..with the same routine.  If you add that all up that’s over 900 days of groundhogism.  No wonder why I’m loosing my marbles or…lost my marbles.  Can you imagine 900 days in the same routine, nothing new :(.

 I sit here drinking my coffe, of by the which does  wonders for my hormones for some reason it makes me a bit level headed and less aggrevated, and eating my cement like oatmeal, because I’ve never been a genius water to oatmeal ratioer and the water usually gives out and makes my oatmeal cement like.  As I eat those two things and empty my current thoughts onto this blog I’m actully avoiding the real work that I have to do today.  My sister got married this weekend which means I have to unpack the loads of luggage that we have and I can’t even fold up the massive moutain of clothes that comes out of the washer.  Which that process will take me but two weeks to unpack.  Dreading the trip to the park……the getting out of the house is the challenge because you have to make sure that you have diapers, for the little ones, and drinks and the ones that potty go potty before you leave the house, and then by the time that all happens you’re ready  for a nap and they are just getting started.  When you become a mom I think you are an automatic “Park Taker Too”.   Moms you can just forget that extra time you would get, you have to save it for a rainy day to fold that laundry that has been sitting for a few weeks, or wash dishes or start dinner early, or even baking like Martha Stewart, is all gone down the drain cause you have to try to tire you kids out at the park.  While all that’s going on I have to keep on my todo list: remember to take care of yourself……isn’t that a shame?





T.G.I.T?

13 05 2010
  Thank God It’s THURSDAY!  Thursady you say, It’s my Friday.  Yet another week where I have grown tired of hearing my own voice.  It only took a lot of prayer and deep breathing to get to this day. 
Did anyone watch Oprah yesterday?  I was waiting for that episode to come on and reveal our miracle for losing weight.  Tough luck cause that only means I have to do some work to get to the end of this rainbow.  Oh well I guess, it could be an excuse for me to actually steal and rob some well needed, well deserved time for myself.  Lately I’ve began to blend into my misery.  My hair is a mess, I just throw on clothes, no matter if their wrinkled, and even sad to say, I can wear the same jean bottoms for five plus days.  No one beside my husband really notices anyway.  What’s the use, you think when you don’t really make any special apperances anywhere  anyway.  My days consist of talking to children, referrieng and repeating commands all day.  I need to get some tape, so I could cover my mouth, the only downside to that is if I put it over my mouth to muzzle my own voice, my very percotious four yr old will follow suite and it will be hard to reprogram her from doing that.  So to sum it up in a simple phrase “I just can’t win”! 

But I guess…….T.G.I.T!